Unconditional Love

I want to share with people that I believe unconditional self love can cure or heal your anxiety, depression and exhastion.

Being of Chinese upbringing I was always raised with Conditional Love. I never received compliments or hugs. My father and mother made it very clear to me that I had to succeed in school, get a university degree, get an office job and an apartment to be successful and loveable. There has been alot of condition for me to be loved by my parents but also I put these conditions on myself. I couldn't love myself until I've met all these conditions. And even after I met them I kept raising the bar, pushing my conditions higher away from me because that's how I became successful.

My recent trauma caused alot of anxiety and depression. I've been trying to avoid it but I still get triggered and think about what happened often. These negative thoughts create feelings of anxiety, depression and exhastion. They happened very often and since its a money trauma almost everything triggers it. It was so sickening that I broke up with my girlfriend, my bestfriend, almost my family and contemplated suicide. I knew from the start that it's all in my head but I wasn't able to deal with my feelings.

A random stranger on the internet gave me the answer though. Everytime I think about my trauma I attach alot negative feelings, self hate, hate towards money, hate towards crypto, hate towards my girlfriend, hate towards my best friend, hate towards the world, hate towards my family, hate towards myself.

It turns I dont have to attach these negative feelings at all. Objectively speaking something terrible happened to me. Objectively speaking I should attach negative feelings because it reflects the conditions I put on my reality. But it turns I can't function with these immense negative feelings running around in my mind every time I think about what happened. I shutdown in a pitch black void and retreat from the world hiding under my blanket and cannot function. I stay in bed trying to process what happened adding more negative feelings to my trauma.

So it turns out I can actually make a choice. Instead of attaching negative feelings I can choose to attach positive feelings of unconditional love instead.

Unconditional love meaning the sheer feeling of love towards something in my childhood. Something I loved since I was a child for no other reason than that I grew up with it.

When I really think about what happened. Everything that I did, it was for the sake of love. Self love, love towards money, love towards technology, love towards my girlfriend, love towards my best friend, love towards my family, love towards the world. Every mistake I did, everything that has happened and will happen was for the sake of love. When I failed my conditions that love turned into hate.

Love is a fundamental feeling rooted deep in our minds. Every feeling we ever had all comes from love. Even our negative feelings all has love as the source and origin. Life happened and soon we'll all die too. Maybe its not entirely true but thinking with positivity does heals my trauma. With these warm feelings of love and acceptance, I don't get anxiety and depression attacks when I attach unconditional love to my thoughts instead. These feelings of mine maybe dont reflect reality but they sure do help me deal with reality.

I hope that when you the reader goes through trauma and feelings of anxiety, depression and hate you can find it in yourself to make a choice for a positive feelings and attitude towards your trauma, so that you may heal and focus again on the things important in your life. What's important is of course to live a life of love and happiness. And not let bumps on the road bring you spiraling down. Don't waste your time on negativity even though your feelings are negative. Stay positive, stay lovely and focus on what you love unconditionally.

To be clear I still believe in conditional love because it brings success. The reality we live in unfortunately is very conditional, that's what my parents taught me, school, work and social meets aswell. But when the going gets though some unconditional love will lift you up to get through it. But perhaps it was my unconditional love for science and technology that got me to where I am today. So maybe I'm wrong about this 🤔 perhaps it's my strong dedication towards the things I love that brings success.